Writing descriptions that work for actors and money...

POSTED BY Trevor Miller, 31 August 2007

One of the keys to writing a screenplay that you can sell to your money folks and actors is having good descriptions of people and places. Sounds obvious - I know. All screenplays have some text that describes the main characters and important locations. The more scripts that I work on, the more I have come to realize that a good writer must dance a fine line between brevity and (in some cases) poetry. Most times you will only have two lines to "sell" your main character and opening locations. Time and time again I see people describing sunsets, intricate clothing and in general stuff that has no place in screenplays. Everybody knows what a ‘beautiful sunrise’ looks like. It takes ONLY two words to describe it. Any more than those two words is a waste and ultimately will add needless bulk to your story.

One of my favorite commercial screenwriters is Brian Helgeland - mostly because of his adaptations L.A. Confidential , Mystic River and Man On Fire. Regardless of whether or not you like these movies - there is always a lot to learn from working writers like Helgeland. In many respects he is the master of the lean and mean description. His prose is sparse and evocative. He writes locations with an incisive brevity, but his character descriptions are perhaps his most skillful display of the craft…

Here is how Helgeland describes CREASY - the mercenary/bodyguard in Man On Fire (played by Denzel Washington)…

"As a 747 is towed by in the background, a MAN strides at us. CREASY. Even in movement, he has a stillness, an air of isolation. He’s set apart from other living things.

He wears dark sunglasses, carries a well-worn leather bag. Inscrutable. Disconnected. A bit frightening. The discipline of a soldier. The independence of a gunslinger."

In my opinion - the four lines above are a paradoxically perfect character description. We learn how Creasy moves, how he looks and most importantly the kind of man he is. Note the use of incomplete sentences and single words to punctuate the description and give it bite. Simple, evocative prose that is lean and mean - at the same time almost poetic.

Similarly in Sofia Coppola’s Lost in Translation, Bob (played by Bill Murray) is merely described as…

"BOB (late-forties), tired and depressed, leans against a little doily, staring out of the window."

Again, lean and mean with focus on an emotional state. No frills here and that’s what you want. No frills descriptions.

Charlie Kaufman writes longer and slightly more involved descriptions, but they still fit that lean and mean pattern. His prose is transparent, yet broad. From BEING JOHN MALKOVICH, I particularly like the description of Maxine (played by Katherine Keener)...

"...his eyes rest momentarily on Maxine. She is in her late 20's with close cropped balck hair. Her eyes are opaque, her face expressionless, her countenance trance-like."

Writing good descriptions distills the essence of character, time and place with the utmost simplicity...

Right now I am reading and re-reading Being John Malkovich to retain my own sense of brevity and the absurd.